in search of
/golden ferns. nova. van life. displacement. insomnia and the unknown.
in search of
we don't always find what we're looking for. we don't always know what it is. . .
i finally left nyc. spring 2016. no set destination. just out of nyc really. everything we needed in nova. navy just 5 months and of course big bean.
we spent the summer in nova by the ocean in downeast maine. we're still up here. a little apartment above a work shop.
do i miss the city? yes. do i miss my old life? absolutely. would i go back? i don't know where exactly, to go. or why i always want to go.
not into commitments or small towns. i find myself in a tiny place reliant on my new job. some days i don't know how i ended up here. others it seems like the perfect place to get back on my feet. and then what? i find a place. a beautiful place with heart and soul and comes my innate desire to run away. i search to fill the empty corners. to find the comfort i had in the past. something about routine makes it feel unattainable. not enough unknown. so I want to move. again. and again. and again. maybe it's waiting around the next corner. the unfamiliar corner. because here. right here. in this little place with big hearts. i think i won't find it.
get drunk. bear down.
and do the nova dance.
keep searching